green-eyed monster May 13, 2008

somebody talked about a topic i am not an expert yet but i definitely am not a novice in.  actually, he wrote about it in his blog.  unafraid to reveal his mind’s wonderings and his heart’s feelings to millions of people in cyberspace yet unable to directly aim the message to that one person who must know what he felt.  [or so i guessed].

         

he was talking about jealousy.  the one topic that all people in the world who can feel love in their heart can relate to.  the word that can never be erased in the vocabulary of lovers’ dictionary. the only unfortunate feeling that can coexist with the fortunate one called love. the thing that you will only feel if you have love in your heart. the yin is to yang as the jeaolusy is to love.  the balancer of things.  the result of nature’s law.

  

jealousy was invented by a person who wasn’t considerate of other person’s feelings.  it is the killer of love in relationships. ergo, this is the murderer of relationships.  this is to paraphrase my friend’s lines. 

                       

let me tell you that even if i have only went for immature relationships, jealousy is a common thing in my life.  heck, jealousy doesn’t even only exist in  romantic relationships.  platonic relationships also experience this.  how many times had i felt jealous of those people close to my best friends? i can’t fit the number in my hands. how many times have i felt jealous of those people in the receiving end of my love’s love? i can’t fit all the circumstances with my fingers and toes.  how many times have i felt jealous of other people’s happiness, both to those strangers and people i personally know? i can’t fit the number of circumstances with the strands of my hair. 

do i seem too bad? i don’t think so.  because i used the feeling for my betterment. because i used the jealousy that i felt for myadvantage.  i turned this unfortunate feeling to another important step in my ladder.   i felt jealousy but i didn’t nurture it.

            

we were, of course, not in the same boat.  my friend was talking about the existence of jealousy in romantic relatonships, i was talking about its existence in our general life.  he was in the receiving end of the unprovoked jealousy, i was the perpetrator of the feeling.  but i can still relate to his sentiments.  i know how bad it is to be in a situation where you are being forced to choose between two important people in your life.  when you are in that positon, won’t you just want to blame things on circumstances that can’t retaliate?  when you receive harsh words and lukewarm treatments from a person you expect to understand you and love you unconditionally, won’t you just want to curse? when a supposed happy moments spent together were turned into sour and bitter glitches in your relationship, won’t you just want to make that love one understand?

jealousy when felt overboard can naturally destroy an otherwise must be a good relationship.  a jealousy with no solid basis can kill an overflowing love.  jealousy that is unsupported by reality can hurt everyone involved in the situation.

i can understand what he felt, why he cursed the innocent thing, why he wasn’t able to see the things pass its facade, why he wasn’t able to understand the whole essence of thing’s existence. he was badly hurt.

but i must tell that jealousy, as mentioned above, is just a balancer of things, specially for romantic commitments.  but it can only happen when jealousy was felt in  moderation.  or when the feeling is controlled. 

let’s see it this way. it is a natural thing, as natural as breathing, to feel jealous of other people that receives attention from the person you love.  it is natural to sometimes have the mindset that you must be the only one to receive his attention and affection. jealousy, at times, is a proof that you love a person.  in fact, it can be a sweet thing.  jealousy can be a good thing. think about how unnatural it would be if you don’t get jealous every once in a while when you claim that you thoroughly love the person.

but it is only natural to a certain point.  feeling of overdrive jealousy is not considered to be under normal circumtances anymore.  if you feel uber jealousy that it almost plaster and erases the love in the picture, then it is time to think and reconsider your feelings.  uncontrollable jealousy is not a proof of your love and affection but otherwise.  it shows that you are not secured of the other person ’s love for you.  if you feel overbearing jealousy, it is time to reassess your relationship.  what pushes you to feel jealous? or if your the one who’s in the receiving end of too much unprovoked jealousy, think of what makes the other person feels it?

reassess and learn how to control it.  be openminded and accept things as they are.  in the end, it is not right to box the person you love to  your affection.  you must let the person grow with the world as you, too, develop and progress. let him spread his attention between you and other people including his girl friends and barkadas.  as long as he shows you he loves you, as long as you can feel his love, you have no right to feel uber jealous.  as long as you show that you love her despite busy schedule and lots of girl friends, she won’t feel jealous. 

it is not healthy to consider boxing yourself between each other’s love.  real love is letting the person you love [and yourself] grow with the world.  it is celevrating that growth together while continously seeking further room for achievement.  it is supporting each other on every steps each one takes.  it is giving him to the world and letting him find his way back to you in the end of the day.

 

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remember:

no lovers is an island.

and no creature is more perilous than the green-eyed monster.