For now, you enjoy the game.
You are gloating and loathing. This is not healthy, that you are aware of but still doesn’t stop you from continuously feeding yourself some hatred over a matter that you are not really in control of. You feed yourself lines that tell you how you are in the lead of the game but in reality, you never know about it and there really is no way of knowing about it until the gamelord gives his answer. You can never be sure until the honor of winning the game is given to you. Until then, you just rely on what your surrounding provides you, which can be true and false at the same time.
With all the uncertainties and pressure you feel, you are bounded to feel hatred for all your competitors, those you know and not, those who are left behind and those who keeps up with you, those who are sutre to lose and those who are having chances at winning. They threaten you all.
You continue to play competitively. You feel the must to hold on and win even if you are not seeing the sense of playing anymore. All that is left to drive you to the goal is the anticipated exhilaration of winning, not with a deeper purpose that you once had when you joined the play.
Despite the challenges that almost thrown you off the battle area, you still fight headstrongly. You vowed to throw off all the blocks and towering challenges that pose your way. In the course of doing so, you also crush all the other challengers. You play rough and wild yet fair.
You don’t know how this will end. You might find yourself tired of it all tomorrow and decide that it’s all senseless or you might keep on fighting until the end. You might find yourself being awarded by the best token for winning or you might find yourself weeping at the side, grieving over all the lost energy from finishing the competition. You might find yourself being thrown off the battle ring or you might find yourself playing with no other challengers alive. But however this game will end, you are playing still because you can never live with what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. You are playing becuase in the tiniest part of your heart and at the back most part of your mind, something is saying that you have the chance at winning.
You chase challenges. The game is fitting in this sense for it is which the gamelord is making more challenging at each passing minute. The challenge that dries you but fires you even further. You chase it and it transforms you. With all these, you actually enjoy the game.
The clock is ticking.
After the clock strikes twelve tonight..
It will only be a week before my life ultimately changes. It will only be seven days to make lasting memories to accompany me until octogenarian years. It will only be 168 hours to cherish moments with the people dear to me. It will only be 10080 minutes to savor the safe feeling exuded by my comfort zones. It will only be 604800 seconds to spend with my old life. Only a short time before life turn another oneeighty degrees on me.
It has been different since the day i finished my thesis and completed my college clearance. It has been the moment that signaled the end of a chapter in my life. They had been the warnings of the end of everything that is important and cherished. It has been different since then but the finale is just about to come in a week’s worth. The last straws planted will be pulled off. The last leaves of my life in the old tree will fall down on the ground.
I am missing the old faces. But i will yet start missing the old places. My comfort zone has stopped being comfortable. I will now have to start moving on, seek for a new one, literally as much as figuratively.
I am missing the old places. But i will miss the old faces even more so. I will miss the dates and places, the banters and laughters. The people who had been the biggest, hugest part of me will wander off, too, as i go. We will part miles away physically – and i hope just physically. One will live down south as the other will have to move up north. As for me, i will start going on in circles.
The clock is ticking.
i believe in list
i believe in books. i believe in hugs. i believe in blogging. i believe in love. i believe in sex. i believe in alcoholic drinks. i believe in pillows. i believe in chocolates. i believe in challenges. i believe in parks, in walking, and in my ipod. i believe in kisses, especially his forehead kisses. i believe in kissing. i believe in pictures and stories. i believe in coffees. i believe in friends. i believe in constant attention, in relevance and in utmost care. i believe in traveling and in staying in bed all day. i believe in holding hands. i believe in hugging while sleeping. i believe in beaches and fields. i believe in spending time together. i believe in clouds and stars. i believe in lying on grass and looking up the sky while chatting hours away. i believe in my alma mater, UP. i believe in idyllic times. sometimes i believe in karma, and i believe in fate. i believe in dresses, highheeled shoes, and big bags. i believe in red. and i believe in passion. i believe in tears. i believe in peanut butter, and carrot cakes. i believe in meeting his friends and colleagues. i believe in necklaces. i believe in my planner. i believe in money. i believe in hurting but i believe in coming around. i believe my intuition and assumptions. i believe in his contradicting words and actions. i believe in time and effort. i believe in wit. i believe in my fashion sense. i believe in dancing. i believe in all these things and in changes so maybe tomorrow, these won’t be what i believe in anymore.
