because that’s the way things go.
In it’s deepest sense, time really does heal wounds. And if i have to admit it, i can strongly say I am healed. But i dont want to yet, maybe because i don’t want to risk admiting into something that i would just have to revoke later if some circumstances pave their way to me and slap me hard on the face. Think of this as my fear of feigning strength. After all, i only get this idea of uncaring at random moments. No, i won’t yet, just to be safe.
In essence, i don’t feel hurt anymore. And at the same time, with the same intensity, i don’t care already. Which, on moments of either conscious or subconscious introspection, i think is so sad. I used to love him to much, i used to care, but where has the love gone? It’s just so sad to think that the person you used to protect before would mean nothing to you now, even if it’s because t is what that person wants, you not to care for him.
It’s so sad to think that all my efforts were put on waste, that all my feelings would be forgotten. it’s just so sad to know that after some time, i won’t be part of his life anymore – that all of me would be erased in his story.
where is it. where am i. where are you.
It is weird. I am afraid to admit to myself that i am not that much in love with beb. For the fear of what, i am not sure. It seems that i fear i wouldn’t have a hold on earth anymore if i let go of that feeling. Or maybe i just fear being alone. I am afraid that if i dont love him anymore, i would have to deal with this freaking life alone. And I so hate being alone. So i continue to say i am deeply in love him because then, i would be able to let myself cling onto him, after all, love is a valid reason to cling onto someone. Specially if that someone is a person who knows you inside out. Specially if that someone is the one person who knows how to stir your emotions, especially if that someone is one person who seemingly cares.
If i would say i don’t love him, if i let go of that feeling, then i wouldn’t have reasons to stay with him anymore. I wouldn’t have reasons that would come in handy if i need to explain why i do certain things.
If i would admit that i am not that much in love with him anymore, i fear that he would just slide out of my life into somebody’s hands and i would just let him do it therefore i would be left alone.
If i would admit that i am not that much in love with him, there would be no one who would accept my affections hence, i would be so deeply frustrated again.
I fear that if i dont love him, he wouldn’t care this much about me.
i cannot make peace with it. i cannot yet. Not yet.
Not yet because even if i say i am not that much in love about him, i still care.
The Show by Lenka
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle Life is a maze and love is a riddle I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried And I don't know why Slow it down Make it stop Or else my heart is going to pop 'Cause it's too much Yeah, it's a lot To be something I'm not I'm a fool Out of love 'Cause I just can't get enough I'm just a little bit caught in the middle Life is a maze and love is a riddle I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried And I don't know why I'm just a little girl lost in the moment I'm so scared but I don't show it I can't figure it out It's bringing me down I know I've got to let it go And just enjoy the show The sun is hot In the sky Just like a giant spotlight The people follow the sign And synchronize in time It's a joke Nobody knows They've got a ticket to that show Yeah I'm just a little bit caught in the middle Life is a maze and love is a riddle I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried And I don't know why I'm just a little girl lost in the moment I'm so scared but I don't show it I can't figure it out It's bringing me down I know I've got to let it go And just enjoy the show Just enjoy the show I'm just a little bit caught in the middle Life is a maze and love is a riddle I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried And I don't know why I'm just a little girl lost in the moment I'm so scared but I don't show it I can't figure it out It's bringing me down I know I've got to let it go And just enjoy the show dum de dum dudum de dum Just enjoy the show dum de dum dudum de dum Just enjoy the show I want my money back I want my money back I want my money back Just enjoy the show I want my money back I want my money back I want my money back Just enjoy the show
