because that’s the way things go.
In it’s deepest sense, time really does heal wounds. And if i have to admit it, i can strongly say I am healed. But i dont want to yet, maybe because i don’t want to risk admiting into something that i would just have to revoke later if some circumstances pave their way to me and slap me hard on the face. Think of this as my fear of feigning strength. After all, i only get this idea of uncaring at random moments. No, i won’t yet, just to be safe.
In essence, i don’t feel hurt anymore. And at the same time, with the same intensity, i don’t care already. Which, on moments of either conscious or subconscious introspection, i think is so sad. I used to love him to much, i used to care, but where has the love gone? It’s just so sad to think that the person you used to protect before would mean nothing to you now, even if it’s because t is what that person wants, you not to care for him.
It’s so sad to think that all my efforts were put on waste, that all my feelings would be forgotten. it’s just so sad to know that after some time, i won’t be part of his life anymore – that all of me would be erased in his story.
that was it.
and i was there. at the PICC for the Hundredth Commencement Exercise of UP Manila.
it was fun, happy, exhilarating, sad experience. it was almost surreal.
i am just glad everything was over. all the latenight cramming of papers, all the allnighter for next day exams, all the heartpounding, hyperventilating reports and speeches that almost took me away.
but i will miss the good things like the guilty pleasures of procrastination, the cancellation of classes, the long vacant periods, the easy life of summer classes, and the lovable, remarkable professors. the friends, the dates, the foodtripping, the dance performances, the field trips. the safety of UP walls, of oble’s arms. i will miss the comfort of being a student and continuous flow of allowance.
am i ready to move to a new, higher level? i guess i am. with a few exceptions on some parts, i guess i am more than ready to shift to a new environment where there’d be more uncertainties than i had ever experienced. i just wish i could survive there as i had always done.
the diploma
and maybe, there would be no plastic teacups and annoying pulps around. ooh, and i hope only for just bosses.
